Never their weapon
by Ellstra
Summary: How was it like to be in the second Quarter Quell? Haymitch s POV


So there it is. Very soon I´ll appear on a place which will most probably become a place where I die. Never mind, there will be enough time to think about death when it comes. Now I just nod to say hello to my stylist, who looks really glad he finally can get rid of me. I really understand him, I wasn´t the type of tribute who doesn´t resist or at least complain. I said him he´s stupid and absolutely untallented. No wonder why he looks at me with satisfaction when I´m about to be killed. I add him to the list of people who are the reason why I want to win these games.

I find myself standing on a metal plate in the most beautiful arena I´ve ever seen. I smell something really fantastic, it smells like Rebecca, my girlfriend back home. I glance at the others and I see they are smiling and look a bit dizzy. It´s the moment I realize something is wrong. This place looks flawless and this in Capitol stupid point of view surely means it´s super-deadly and hides some creepy lethal stuff which can be anywhere. Well, I don´t care. If it eliminates some of my enemies, I´m not complaining. But I´m really interested.

When the gong sounds, many tributes just stay on their plates and perplexedly stare on their shoes, grass before them or sky with fluffy with clouds. I don´t wait for anything and run towards the cornucopia. I´m pretty fast but it still surprises me when I´m the first to be here. I grab some machete and a backpack and I sprint away. I catch a glimpse of some tributes running against me, but I´m not afraid they would do me anything. They´re unarmed.

I hide myself in the forest and check my supplies. I´ve got a very good bag, as I see. Due to how much food is here, my fear that there is some kind of trap here increases. I drink a bit of water and continue in my trek.

To sum up my situation. The bloodbath hasn´t ended yet. There are probably twelve careers instead of the usual six. There is something wrong about this arena and I don´ t know what it is. And I´m terribly bored.

Finally, the cannon fires. I count and if I´m not wrong – which is not improbable, I´m not excellent in maths – there are eighteen dead now. Alright. This means thirty of us reamin. I keep walking, I just go ahead, trying to reach the end of the arena. It has to end somewhere, hasn´t it? Then the night falls and soon I´m not able to continue, because it´s too dark. I find some cave, which seems different than the other stuff in the arena, it´s not cute, beautiful and doesn´t shine. So I consider it to be safe. I lie down and curl up in the sleeping bag. I fall asleep and I´m woken up by midnight´s anthem playing.

I see the faces and I try to remember them, but I give up the effort. I simply haven´t talked to anybody but our mentor and I felt good about it. But now, I´m not sure. Maybe I should have tried to get some allies, because I feel terribly lonely now.

I turn around and devote all my thoughts to sleep. I hold my eyes shut and I don´t know how I manage to fall asleep again.

Fortunately, nobody – and in this arena also nothing – tried to kill me last night and I wake up to a beautiful, shiny day. The sun´s so bright that my eyes almost hurt and the colours everywhere reminds me of my fear. I still didn´t figure out what is the arena´s biggest and most dangerous secret. I get up, pack all the things I have and have small breakfast. I find originating from District Twelve being a little advantage, because I´m used to starve. It must be horrible for somebody who has had enough food for the whole time. But I´m afraid I´m not the right person to regret the Careers´ situation.

I continue the trek. I drink sometimes or rest for a while, but basically I just move forward. I heard several booms which surprised me a bit because I didn´t expect deaths during the first day. But who cares? The less tributes I´ll meet the better.

The third day in the arena I´m not even a bit closer to the edge of the arena or to find out how the arena works. There were some deaths and I guess about a half of us remain now. I sit on a rock leaning against a tree trunk. I eat some of the dried meat and drink some water. I still have some, but it won´t take long. What will I do then? I don´t trust anything in this arena since there has been so much food in the bags.

I know I made a mistake when I touched the tree just a moment before I feel pain in my neck. As if something bites me. I don´t wait and stand up, but the strange creatures continue in teasing me. I don´t know what they are, but it hurts. I grab my machete and finally see what the creatures are. It´s a pack of squirels which looks as cute and innocent as everything in this arena, but they try to kill me and probably eat me then. I kill some of them and the rest runs away when they find out it would be stupid if they tried to continue. I catch a glimpse of a fluffy golden fur and then I sit back on the ground and try to find out how serious my wounds are.

The worst are those on my neck, they had enough time to cause serious injuries here. I have some on shoulders and back too, but they are smaller. I took off the t-shirt and for a while I want to wash it in the near stream, but it´s stupid. The liquid in it is surely everything but water. It would kill me if I put it on my wounds, I´m sure. It´s here for the stupid tributes. So I grit my teeth, wipe the blood as much as I can, because it´s not as easy as it looks like and wait for it to stop bleeding.

In the evening a heavy rain starts. I hide myself in some cave, but then I think about my t-shirt, soaked with blood and sweat and also about the two empty bottles in my backpack. I don´t want to disturb any of the animals living here, so I doubt placing it somewhere near trees. I stand in the rain, water flowing down my body and I almost feel good. It´s so refreshing, after hot days filled with sweet scents in the air normal weather finally comes. I close my eyes for a while and let my foolish myself enjoy it. It´s so irresponsible but so wonderful that I just perplexedly let my body rest. I place the t-shirt on the rock of my cave and try to find out how I can get as much rainwater as possible. Finally I give it up and just place it on the ground, fasten it with some rocks and a small net I had in the bag. I cut down some branches, because the forest is too thick and stops some water. Fortunately none of the squirels comes. I wanted to make a funnel, but I don´t have anything to make it from.

I start to shiver from the cold water, so I hide in the cave again and take off my pants. Yeah, it was a very, very, very stupid idea to stand in the rain, but it was great. I wrap myself up in the jacket and try to stay awake, because if I fell asleep now somebody would be able to reach my cave without me noticing it and simply kill me when I slept. The rain lasts longer than I thought it could. So much water in one place… never mind.

It suddenly stops with dawn. I went out of the cave and look at my bottles. They´re full of water, which pleases me, but I doubt there will be such heavy rains very often, so I drink just a bit. The arena is becoming a bit boring. You know, just walking, walking, walking and hot air everywhere. I don´t wait for my pants to dry, I put it on and continue the trek, with a t-shirt tied to the bag.

I pass a tree with some strange thing on it; it´s light green and shaped and big as a cucumber. I don´t dare touch it, but I watch it for a while, because it´s surely not a part of the tree. As I stare at it, I catch a glimpse of move in the upper branches. I rose my head just to see a black butterfly with red marks on the wings. I try to run away, but it´s too late. The butterfly sits on my back, I can feel its weight, and then I don´t feel anything but terrible pain.

I fall on my knees, barely able to see. It feels absolutely horrible, it´s even worse than when I spilled hot soup on myself when I was small – and that was dreadful. I close my eyes, but the tears are flowing down my cheeks anyway. I want to scream, but I can´t move, I can´t breath, I can´t do anything but lie here and hope my death will be quick. I lost consciousness for a while, probably because the pain was too big to bear. I wake up and laboriously sit up. It still hurts a lot, but I can see and think. I put my backpack off my back and dare to touch the wound. It´s badly swollen and the only touch causes another pain. I grit my teeth and shut eyes and take the t-shirt, which is still wet, fortunately. I gently touch it trying to calm and cool it.

When I´m about to start walking again, I have to say myself I really shouldn´t have thought that arena is boring. It wasn´t good for my luck. Ok, let´s calm down. It´s not poisonous. It just hurts as shit, but the main reason why they made these insects was probably to paralyze one tribute so the others can kill him. Simple.

I continue in moving forward, but I don´t have the speed I had before and have to stop more often. I´m just passing a group of strange trees with pink leaves when I hear a loud sound of explosion. It´s ringing in my ears and I feel a bit dizzy. I turn around to see what caused the noise and I don´t have to be a falcon to see what happened.

The whole mountain seems to be on fire, it shines with glaring orange flames and smoke is everywhere. There is some strange stuff pouring from the top of the mountain and I don´t have to be a genius to know what this means. A volcano. I´ve never seen any but I´m pretty sure this is one. And this can mean only one thing – the Gamemakers think the Games are boring. And they can´t commit something like that.

I turn back and go farther without interest. The more dead tributes the better. It´s hotter than any day and the air is thick. Breathing is harder and my head aches. But I don´t stop because I know I have to go as far from the volcano as possible. It takes some time for the cannon to sound. I don´t want to die like that, it must have been very agonizing. The total number of the volcano victims is twelve, which means there is thirteen of us left. It´s like in the usual games after the bloodbath, but we´ve already experienced four days of the arena and we´re not in such a good condition than tributes are after bloodbath – if they survive it, of course.

Some days pass and my wounds are better. There were some rains but none of them was as heavy as the first one. It doesn´t matter, I´m not dying. But I haven´t reached the edge of the arena yet, which upsets me. Why is it so big?!

Instead, I found some stupid hedges. They´re everywhere I can see. Shit. I could cut a way through it, but it would possibly took eternity. I turn around and aim back to the forest. By midday I´m in a glade which looks so peaceful that I want to flee as far away from here as possible. But it´s too late. I catch a glimpse of a blade of some weapon and see three Careers nearing me. They´re all from District Two, as far as I know. Two girls and one boy. I let my bag and machete fall on the ground and pull my knife, because I can use it way better. I don´t wait for anything.

I let my instincts to lead me and I almost feel as if I dance. I don´t feel anything while I´m sliting their throats, causing deep wounds. I hear the first cannon and I know the second girl´s gonna die very soon. I let her body hit the ground and try to turn around, but a strong hand is crushing my right wrist. I shake my arm, my whole body, but I can´t do anything. He´s just too strong. He wraps his arm around my waist and causes I´m not able to move. But it´s embarassing. Oh my god, we´re two boys! He can kill me in so many ways I can´t even count them, and he embraces me?!

He preses his fingers so tightly to my wrist I have to let the knife fall on the ground. I´m waving my left hand but it´s not useful. He laughs and easily, almost effortlessly yanks my right arm and locks it between our bodies. I scream in pain because it hurts terribly. I just hope it won´t take long. It´s stupid. This guy won´t let me die easily.

„Hey, why are you resisting? You´ll die anyway. But you can choose how much it will hurt." He whispers into my ear and I doubt anybody can hear it. They must be totally mad because of this in the Capitol. His fingers are touching my neck. If I watched it, I would think it must hurt. But it doesn´t. It´s pleasant, gentle. He wants… what does he want? I don´t think this is something you do to a person you want to kill.

„You know what I want. You know you´re gonna die. And I want you to make me feel sorry for your death. Do you think you can manage it?" His voice is deep, velvet and… oh my god he sounds like me when I´m talking to my girlfriend! And suddenly I know what he wants. How he presses his body against mine, how he gently fondle my neck, how fast his heart is beating. He´s gay. And he chose me to satisfy his apetites.

I can´t do this. It´s so disgusting and so… uhm. I want to die. Right now. But I have one last chance even though it´s totaly awful. My right hand is moving towards his… oh god, I can´t even think about it. He believes I´m gonna do it. He really believes.

„You´re a good boy," he whispers and closes his eyes. That´s the moment. He´s still strong, but doesn´t pay so much attention to me. I´M NOT A GOOD BOY! I give a lurch and almost manage to escape him. Almost.

He grabs my arm again and I see he´s gonna kill me right now. He´s too angry to think about that revenge, he just wants to kill me. He´s about sliting my throat when he suddenly falls on the ground. I don´t understand it until I see a dart in his neck. So I´m gonna die, anyway.

„We´d live longer with two of us." I know that voice. I rose ma head and see one of the female tributes from my District. It´s that rich merchant girl, I don´t know her name. But she saved my life.

„Guess you just proved that," I say and go for my bag and machete. „Allies?" I ask her. She nods and smiles a bit. She will be a useful ally, but also a dangerous enemy.

Since that the games are a lot more funny. I found out her name´s Maysilee and she´s a very good friend of Gill, the girl my best friend Jared Everdeen has a crush on. I won´t be happy to come out from the arena without her, returning to District Twelve alone. I know they won´t blame me from her death but they will never forget she could win instead of me.

One day she asks me why I still want to move on. I´m surprised she doesn´t know, she´s very smart. I don´t want to lose time with explaining it, but she stands and refuses to go farther.

„Because, it has to end somewhere, right?" I say as if it was totally obvious. „The arena can´t go on forever."

„What do you expect to find?" she asks and I try to see irony in it, but she means it seriously. I think about it and than I admit.

„I don´t know. But maybe there´s something we can use." I say and I know she´s right. It´s nonsentional. But I have to keep moving. I´m doing this all the time in the arena. Finally we reach some rocky cliffs with huge abyss beyond them. So there it is. Nothing.

„That´s all there is, Haymitch. Let´s go back," Maysilee looks down into the deep.

„No, I´m staying here," I frown.

„All right. There is only five of us left. May as well say goodbye now, anyway." She turns to me and looks into my eyes. They lack their usual shine and she doesn´t smile. „I don´t want it to come down to you and me."

„Ok," It´s all I say. It´ s not like I don´t care about Maysilee. I´m just afraid that if I said more, I wouldn´t let her go, which would be a terrible mistake. I got used to sleep beside this girl, to trust her, to talk to her. I don´t want to lose it. I don´t love her or anything, but she´s a very good friend and I like her. She´s the type of person who´s always nice even though you´re mean at her, because she knows you don´t want to hurt her. Of course I don´t want to be the one who kills her. It will be very bad if I come home instead of her.

And then she´s gone. I walk on the edge of the cliff and suddenly a small pebble falls down to the abyss. I make few steps back and sit down. I try to put Maysilee out of my head, but I can´t. I feel bad for letting her go which is stupid.

I see something in the corner of my eye. It´s the pebble which fell down. It´s strange. How could it fly up? I take another rock and throw it into the abyss. It returns. I laugh. I knew there is something I can use!

My laughing stops when I hear a sound I never wanted to hear. Maysilee screams in pain. I don´t think about anything, I just stand up I run towards the scream. I know I am late when I see a pink bird leaving my ally. If they left her, she wouldn´t survive. I should run away because they might come back, but I don´t care. I can´t let Maysilee die alone, because she wouldn´t do it.

I kneel beside her and take her hand into mine. She can´t speak, but she tries to smile at me when she sees me. She squeezes my hand and I see hot tears in eyes. It´s not my fault, she broke the alliance, but I still feel a bit guilty. I stay with her until the cannon fires. Then I close her eyes and say a silent hello.

A return back to my cliffs and sit here. I feel dreadfully lonely and I don´t want to live. But when I see Maysilee´s face on the sky, I stand up full of anger. I have to win. I owe this to her, one of us has to go home. I feel some new energy.

I hear three cannons during the next day, but I don´t think it´s the one I want. I know there is one Career left and I doubt it was her to die. I see I´m right when she appears armed with an axe.

I don´t remember what happened during the fight. I know it hurt, but all the time I thought about Maysilee and what I owe her. I didn´t think about my girlfriend, my friends or my family. It´s just between me and Maysilee.

Suddenly I´m weaponless. And I have one last chance. I can´t see anything, but I stumble to my cliffs. I got here and wait for her to throw the axe. She´s not as fast as she was, so I fell on the ground and wait for it to return. I have just one chance. If she moves, I´ll lose. But she doesn´t look like moving. She probably thinks she will last longer, which is true. But I know something she doesn´t.

In the moment she sees the axe is already late. Her only eye widen and the axe burries itself in her forehead. I managed it. I won. For Maysilee. I lose my consciousness few moments after the trumpets blow.


End file.
